Women Who Love Too Much

A friend, whom I’ll call Ruth, told me of some drama with “Ed,” a man who seemed charismatic and charming. Ed was a peer. Ruth is single, over 50, walking with the Lord, and a compassionate, nurturing type. Friends had introduced them.

This charmer had a fun side.  Ed started to go to church with Ruth. They spent time together as well as had several phone calls and texts. Ed said he had recently accepted Jesus. Ruth was delighted. And she wanted to help him. But it did not take long before Ruth noticed some odd things.

Turns out, Ed was doing drugs. And he tried to get Ruth to as well. That was the final red flag that caused Ruth to end it with him. Another male friend had to take Ed aside and tell him in no uncertain terms that he was to leave Ruth alone – no calling, no texting, no visiting, nothing.

As Ruth and I talked, I shared with her something I had learned years ago. For too long when I was single, I often attracted needy men, or the wrong type of men, like the charmers. Because I too was compassionate and nurturing. And it took me a while to realize that I gave too much of my time, attention, and caring to some men who really gave little of substance back to me. In that respect, I was a woman who “loved too much.” Sometimes we do these things because we are lonely, and sometimes we think “something” feels better than “nothing” in terms of a man’s interest.  

Then, as if awakening from a long sleep spell cast on me, I finally realized something. I do not have to be the one to give these types of men attention, a listening ear for hours, my time, or significant parts of who I am! God has provided plenty of mature men in the Body of Christ who can and should help these men be men. I don’t have to. Nor should I give precious parts of my heart and time to such men who cannot appreciate it, nor are they able to give back in healthy and God-honoring ways. For any woman who “loves too much,” or may be “co-dependent” like I was, that is no small realization. And it is quite freeing.

Titus 2:6-8 urges men to help younger men to be sensible, an example of good deeds with purity in doctrine, dignified, and sound in speech which is beyond reproach. No matter his age, there is always an older man who can help another man grow and learn to be a Christ-honoring man. Ladies, consider that you may need to stop "loving too much" and let men help men be men.